A dry Pink Rose & a Frozen Sunset
April 15, 2009 § Leave a comment
Expectation, hopes & dreams, these three elements of our life sometimes can make us impatient and blind. It makes us happy all the time. Because we always hope for the best, dream the fairy tale and expect the extra ordinaries. It makes our heart melted very fast! In the middle of a big ocean where there is no chance to be alive at all, if we see a little and thin branch of trees floating around then we try to grab it because that is a “hope” for us at that moment. The biggest hope of our life.
Now, my days start with a bad dream and ends with endless pain. Every day, I think what is happening to me and why it is happening to me. I find a lot of mistakes around me. I also try to find out who’s mistakes are those? Sometimes I find out that its my mistake but sometimes I don’t see any connection with me. Then I get very confused. Now-a-days, I breath but my breath is so heavy that I cant bear it most of the time. I go in front of the mirror and I talk to myself and I don’t see myself in the mirror. The person in the mirror is always unknown to me. Then I realize that I am lost in the war of my life. I am lost in myself. I am lost in so many hundreds of thousands souls around me. Nobody can see me anymore. I am like a dry leaf and still drying up everyday. Like a frozen sunset in a very quite gloomy and windy day. I sit in front of the door of my house and I think why I am seating here. I look at the sky and I don’t know what I am looking for. Am I lost in this war? I am losing everyday, every single moment of my life and every single breath of my heart. But why though? Why am I being destroyed? I gave up finding the answers already. Now I live on my few good memories of my past and I breath with my endless frustration. I am so lost in this war. I stopped expecting, hoping and dreaming – the three major toxic of human life which keep them alive for a long time. Does that mean I am dead? i thought so.
As I mentioned earlier, in the ocean when you are inside a sinking ship, you take everything as your hope to grab. I have got that thin stick which is, at the moment, the biggest hope of my life. Now all my dreams and my hopes and my expectations is all about that stick I am trying to grab. Will I be able to grab that stick? Will it be able to save me from sinking. I have lost all the energy to swim already and that stick is my only hope otherwise I will be sinking to the bottom of the ocean.
Why our life is not like a fairy tale? Why it is so complicated and painful? Why it is not the way we want? – at least for few moments of our life? Why sometimes we have to end our lives before the times come? Why it is that unfair out there? I always have too many questions I believe. Will I ever stop asking these questions? I wish I can.