A never ending War

April 10, 2009 § 2 Comments

My war and my world

My war and my world

So many promises and so many dreams around me but why I never see them for real? At least one of them? Why my heart never feel confident when somebody wants to touch it, why I feel scared when dreaming, why the wind is having a bad news for me all the time, why friends are not like friends to me anymore, why? I guess too many “whys” in my life already.

This world changes its color every single moment and it is very unpredictable. Sometimes I feel I am a victim of this unpredictable world. So many issues and so many storms in life that are always destroying me slowly. I used to think that there is a end of this war but now, I am not confident enough. Why our lives cannot be nice and easy and serene.

Sometimes I think what is LOVE? And I never find the answer. Love & True Love – what is the difference between this two? Love is something like expectation or a start of a new dream or does it initialize another broken dream. Why our heart is broken into so many pieces when someone breaks it. Why it is too hard to believe when somebody tells me “I Love You”. I want to love somebody but I don’t know how? I want to get love from somebody and I don’t know how?

My life is a War to me and it is never ending. It will only end if end sometimes. I am alone in this war. I have nobody to fight beside me because I have nobody who can understand me and my wants. I always have to fight alone. Sometimes, when I get tired of this war and loosing, I look for hug, a tight, strong hug. But there is nobody to hug me even. Am I that worse animal that I got nobody to hug me even for a second?

I always keep myself quiet when I see another new war is loading up and the only reason I do it because I know how weak and how lonely I am. But I still dream of many things, I still dream that this war will end one day but I know the reality that it will only end when I end.

But sometimes, some people come in your life and then you feel that they might change your life completely and the way you want. But sometimes, they come in a little late but still our heart is always welcoming them. Something like that happened to me and apart from being in a big messy war, I just welcomed that person in my life opening my arms wide. That person wants to care about my war and wants to fight in the same line with me. If this kind of things happen in your life what do you feel? I feel like a new dreams growing up and I start dreaming even when I am in the war. But sometimes I get scare, is it initializing another broken dream?

Hopes & dreams – that is human life. A person, who is going to be executed with Capital Punishment in 2 minutes, even he still have hopes. Hopes of something miracle, something extra-ordinary that will change his life, that will save him from being executed, that will give him another chance and another life. But, it never happens rite? But still that’s what keeps him alive for that 2 minutes. I think the same thing happening to me at the moment. Living on some hopes that might not ever come to reality. I would like to ask that person – do you see it in real?


§ 2 Responses to A never ending War

  • nahidrains says:

    And that person’s answer was “i do wana make ur dreams real….nd i do see us living, being together, i wana make it true, i wana make ur problems go”

  • mgurl0813 says:

    Dear Nahid,

    Hey…ummm…where to start or wat to say..im still thinkn’..wow..i am actually speechless…no words are cming out of my mouth…wat u wrote really touched my heart…..nd the title ws really inspiring..”a never ending war”…instead of studying to be a nurse..i shud be a philosopher…since i cud translate words into feelings…i noe (kinda nerdy)..but cnt help it..i spent most of my hours reading 1200 pages or 500 pages books..:D…..but seriously…u shud write a book bout ur life..its will inspiring to read it..nd noe more bout u…hehe…well i am hoping u write some more stuffs like this….its quite interesting…really since i cud relate to it….there ws a time i cud transform one word into a beautiful story or poem..but nowadays…nah forget writing i will juss read wt others write…

    well…great job..looking forward to reading ur next writing…k…keep up the good work..:p…..

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