April 29, 2009 § 3 Comments
Today I am going to tell you about my Bestest mate. His name is Noved. He is like my brother and my bestest friend ever. I love him so much. I miss him a lot too. It’s been many years I saw him. Though we often talk over the phone or the instant messenger but yeah, still, didn’t give him a hug for many years.
We had so much fun and so many good days together. Both of us had 4 more friends with us and they are also our best mates. Imran, Sayeed, Reza and Mosharraf. But somehow time has changed us a lot and changed the mind of people as well. Now a days, I hardly see those 4 friends missing me. But Noved & me never got apart. We are always together since ages. I know the fact that someday we will be together again.
Noved & me are same age. We always have the same problems and same issues all the time. We are always on the same track of life and we never get apart from that track. Now a days, for both of us, life has become very cheap but our survivals became very expensive. We always talk about fighting the world and winning it and encourage each other but we also know how tough it is. Sometimes, we just pretend that we are happy but apparently we are not. We had so many funny incidents as well. I would like to bring a story about a girl. the first letter of her name was “S” and I know Noved knows her very well. I was the first one who met that girl and later I transferred her over to Noved because she wasn’t my type and I knew that she wasn’t Noved type as well. But Noved continued without seeing her in person and when he saw her, OMG!, it was one of the funniest story I have ever heard. I will tell you that story sometimes when Noved is beside me.
I still remember, in our college, on Exam day, we had Computer Exam, the last exam for the terminal and very important one. As usual, we didn’t have any preparation. We used to be the “Gangsters” of the College and I used to be the “Syndicate Leader”. Noved and Me always colored but nobody could find any proof ever but we spoilt so many kids out there. So, on that exam day, some teachers warned us about some issues that we had been playing around and when they started talking to us, immediately, within 5 seconds, with the contact of our eyes, all if us immediately discard the exam and get out from the exam room. And the whole room full of 100s of students were looking at us. Even the teacher were scared about us on that day. I still crack up with that incident.
We never used to attend class but we used to go college every singe day and we never missed it. Noved’s dad used to drop him every morning and my family car used to drop as well. They used to drop us in front of the School Gate everyday and then we used to wait until the cars got vanished and then we used to start walking the opposite side of the school where there were few shops like Game Arcade or tea Shop. We used to stay there like whole day until class ends. Sometimes, security people used to come from inside the campus to look for us but they could never find us. We were so naughty. Among the whole friend circle, Noved and Me were singles and then we always used to crack up in people’s love story. We used to enjoy looking at girls and flirting with them. As usual, girls always liked us, I think specially me LOLZ. Because Noved is not a player, he is a serious kind of guy about girls.
I still remember there was a time for a big incident in the college, our Chemistry teacher told Noved’s parents that “Nahid is a BAD BOY, and don’t let your son Noved to be mixed up wth Nahid”. His parents were looking for me for information and Noved sent me straight to “Germany” for few weeks but to be honest I was actually in my own house enjoying and cracking up life. But yeah, we used to be great Liars.
We used to call each other after school like 20 times a day and oneday I called Noved’s house and his dad picked up the phone and I eventually asked mistakenly, “Hello there, Its Noved here, Can I speak to Nahid”? His dad was like “Wat da?”. But it was also very funny for us as well.
My mom really likes Noved a lot and she thinks Noved is my only friend who really cares about me. And I always admit that as well. I don’t want any other friend like Noved because I have got Noved as my Best Friend. I didn’t give him a hug for many days, I miss him too much now a days. Both of us in life-trouble now and we are so lonely and we are so far from each other. I wish I can hug him now and can tell him “I love you my bro”. But yeah, I am so unlucky to do that, cannot control my tears as well. But Noved, I love my bro. I love a lot brother. I am so proud that I have a friend like you and I am so proud that you are my bestest freind ever. We will be always together bro. Love you Bro.
April 27, 2009 § 16 Comments
Some times we have so much pain inside our heart. And some times, some unlucky and unfortunate people on this world don’t even have the chance to express their pain to make themselves lighter. Some times our pains are so heavy in our vain that it stops our breathing, it stops the time and it does stop our life. Then we cannot keep that pain inside our heart. Somehow we have to take it out from our body and release and so that we can feel a little bit lighter.
When we don’t have anybody to express and share our pains we got nothing to do. Our pains are mixed up with our bloods – that’s that I believe. So can we take our pain out through our blood. Just take some blood out out of our body and then her ewe go, some pain are out. When I see the blood drops are falling on the floor and splashing up, what do I feel? I found out that the smaller drops makes bigger and sharper splashes then the bigger drops. Doest that mean that sometimes some small pains can make us so painful? Why sometimes blood comes out like it is so cheap and it doesn’t have any wish to stay inside our body? Sometimes I cannot find any difference between blood and water.
I have lost something today. Something very significant in my life. I think the most significant, the most meaningful and the most important person of my life. I am not sure yet whether I have lost that person completely. But I think I am on that way. I wish I can show this world that I don’t want to lose that person. But, I cannot hold her as well. She has gone so far already. All my hearts are crying to stop her but I have got nothing to stop her. My words, my wishes, my breath or my blood – nothing is stopping her. It made me so much painful and made me so heavy that I couldn’t and I cant bear it. I don’t know what did I do wrong but I only know on thing that I never want her to go. I wish I can cut my chest and bring my heart out and show her what is inside for her. But, I guess, I am not that brave. I feel very useless sometimes. I don’t know what is in her mind and what is happening around her, I don’t know what is true and what is false – but I just know one thing, and that is I am the one who always loses. My life has become very cheap but my survivals has become very very expensive. To breath one time I have to pay with many valuable possessions of my life. Now that I got my heart in so much pain and so much in heavy state, I don’t know how to take that pain out of my body. I tired everything – talking to myself in front of the mirror, talking to the cat in the house, talking to the Tulip tree in the back yard, pulling my hair, closing my eyes, taking tears out from eyes and make it dry and finally taking bloods out of my body. But this pain is so much in weight that nothing is working with it. I can’t take this out of my body. I am feeling so much pain inside but nobody can understand it. I wish that person can understand it. I wish that person can see the pain inside me. But I guess, I am one of those unfortunate people in this world who doesn’t deserve anything at all. Who doesn’t worth to have a life or a dream or anything.
I wish I could be in a better position. I wish I could be in a better situation. I wish I could take my pain out. I wish I could show her what is inside me. All these things I only can wish I suppose. At the very edge of my life now I can see only darkness hugging me tightly. I want to tell her now How much I do love her. But I cannot. She will never know it. Perhaps she will never understand it. May be she will know it someday, but I guess it will be too late. So be it. If that person reading this, then I want to tell her once again, in front of the whole world, the three words and probably those three words are forbidden for me to pronounce but still I don’t care.
“I Love You, I love you more than anything, I love you more than anybody
anybody in this world, I love you with all my heart and soul, I love you
with my all dreams and I love you with my life which is cursed and
which has now ended.”
April 25, 2009 § Leave a comment
Day by day, as our love grows deeper and deeper
The fear of losing you is haunting me
Nightmares, waking with up tears
Can somebody please stop the clock for me?
I only want to think about the present
Because my tomorrow does not include you
And it scares me no end
So please, freeze the time for me
The more we love, the more it will hurt
No one knows, even the best of our friends
How far we’ve gone, what our future holds
I’m begging now, can someone at least delay the time for me?
Negligence in feelings, ignorance in visions, avoidance in expressions, endurance with failure & governance of broken dreams- Meaning of Love?
April 24, 2009 § Leave a comment
True Love? – what is it? I often find it hard to get the answers. I don’t know how to explain love. Sometimes I believe there is no such thing but sometimes I don’t even agree with this.
I often find love is very conditional. And I often find love is very selfish as well. Love is full of expectation. Expectation from the person you love. But often you don’t have you expected things. Love is all about understanding but you often find even your beloved understands you they kind of ignores it. And that time you really get hurt. And then you keep it deep inside your heart.
Love is all about priority and giving importance but why sometimes it is not prioritized like the way it should be. What would you do if you love somebody very deeply and you have a feeling that your beloved person might not be having the same feelings for you? What would you do when you care and respect the feeling of your beloved person and that person doesn’t do the way you do? I feel very sad, how about you? Then I find love is nothing. Then I find there is no such thing like love. It doesn’t exist.
I think it is one of the most complicated subject of the world. And it is one of the most conditional matter of the earth as well. But why do I feel I might not have condition when I love? Why I cannot be selfish? Commitment and Sacrifice – which one is important in LOVE? I believe commitments. It means, both of the person do the same thing. But when one person does it and another doesn’t it becomes sacrifice. And too much sacrifices makes love painful and it hurts the person most who sacrifice the most.
I have no idea why I am writing this entry today. I really want to know why I am doing it. Am I facing the same thing or I am just writing it because I am bored. I don’t know. Do you know?
April 18, 2009 § Leave a comment
Here we go, today, I am writing this entry being a Fighter I believe. Since my back is aligning to the wall, now I have got no choice except move ahead and fight the reality. And I am going to do it. I am sure about losing but at even though I want to fight. I don’t want to sit back any more. Probably I will be ending up soon but I can tell myself that I at least did a fight for that.
In this war, I am completely alone. Nobody is fighting with me. Nobody will be around me. I will be fighting against the cruel reality of this world and completely alone. I wish there was another hand holding my hand but whatever we think and whatever we get is not the same at all.
I wish I can win and I wish I can actually fight but I am not able to. I am going to war where I am going to lose only. But still I am going to fight knowing that I am going to lose. Brave me!
April 17, 2009 § Leave a comment
I often find a lot of people hate me for no reason. Sometimes, I really get surprised. Why do they hate me that much when there is no reason to hate me. I even see people I don’t even know or I never met in my life, they hate me like crazy and do things against me so that I get a little bit of hard time. But why is that for? Is it a envy feeling or they are just sick. I have to idea about that. Just for an Example, “Anti-NahidRains” Facebook Group. I have seen creating group against me in the Facebook and I have seen a lot of members joining them but to be honest I am quite sure they don’t even know me! How come a person can hate another person like that. I find most of the guys in this world kind of hate me. and for girls opposite, they just love me. Is it the main reason why the guys hate me?
I am not sure why girls like me that much, but I am very confused why guy hates me. Sometimes, I get comments on you Youtube or emails in my inbox and I see some guys are really swearing at me for no reason. I find it quite sickening! Another example is a guy called “NAS” who has been tracing me over the youtube and pretended that he is one of my very good fan and finally cracked down with Anti-NahidRains people. That was too funny to take it and irritating as well. But what is the reason behind it.
Few days back, I was in sort of a trouble somewhere around here. And then there was a guy who’s name starts with “J” and calls himself “President” of that particular area, he was advising to all the people around that area for not helping me out by any means. But for why? Why he is so envious? What is his problem. But that person acts with me like he is a very good friend of mine. But I actually can understand and recognize people very well. These types of people always think they are the smartest in the town but they don’t even know, behind all of their smartness they are actually doing something stupid and they are not smart enough to see that. Anyways, that guy was kind of successful as well but I think I am much more smarter than him. These people doesn’t have a good background with their family and was never learnt a good lesson I believe. But yeah, what to do, I feel pity for them and nothing more than that.
But now, I want to find out why I face this hate-rated for no reason sometimes. So, I asked my friends who are girls and who really like me a lots. And most of them told me almost the same thing “Girls like to too much I guess, that is why guys hate you, simple. Guys always take you as a competitor because they think they are good in everything and they think you will take all of their chances”. But is it true? I never feel it in that way. I am a very calm kind of person and very nice I believe. I treat people very nice and I really mean it when I care. But yeah, the world is a little bit of weird I believe.
But I would like to tell those people who hate me for no reason – Man, be confident and don’t just hate people or dislike people just like that. It makes you sick and it makes your freak. I will continue this story with some more information later in future. For the moment Adios. I have a whole world to fight with now and somebody is waiting for me as well to fight with. Wish me best of luck guys!
April 16, 2009 § 1 Comment
How do we feel when we dropped down to the reality from the high peak of our imagination? Why it is that painful? Today, I am feeling the word is so unfair to me. I can’t bear it. I have lost all my patience and power to stand this pain. I am so scared to lose something and I believe the most important thing of m life. I am so scared to lose it. How come a dream can be that important to our lives? Today, my heart is crying so much and I cant show it to anybody, I cant tell anybody why it is crying and I cant tell anybody how painful it is!
I guess, I have just seen the last drop of rain of my life. I don’t think so there will be anymore rain in my life. And the last rain has washed away my last dream as well. Now, I got no dreams no hopes. I am a boat without sail and I got no direction now. I have faced this kind of thing before but this time it went so hard on me. I am feeling so heavy inside me. ow, I am writing my entry in my blog, because I have got noting or nobody to share my pains. And I know nobody even read my blog entries. I just share it with my laptop siting on the bed and typing my pains. What a life?
I am at the bottom line of my life I believe. Sooner or later, I will be over it and I wont have to carry it anymore. But I wont leave my pains behind, I cant do that. Will they follow me anywhere I go? could they be that hard on me?